Are You Spoiling Your Kids?
None of us wants "spoiled" kids - children who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, and inconsiderate. So, what factors spoil kids and which ones don't?
Come common advice that has been given to young parents may go along these lines, "You will spoil your baby if you don't let her cry or if you hold her too much". This is not true. You can't spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is defining 'love".
We are not loving our children when we give them everything they want on a material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but what is the actual result of indulging our children in this way?
There are three big negative consequences of "spoiling" our kids on the material level:
It Fosters Addictive Behavior - Filling them up from the outside with things and activities, rather than filling them up from the inside through caring and creativity. When we offer our kids too many toys, activities, comfort food, or allow too much TV, we are not loving them. We are training them to be addicted.
It Condones Inconsiderate Behavior - Often parents provide things and activities for their children while denying their own needs. It is not loving to give in to his every demand, especially if it means putting yourself aside. When you constantly give in to your child, and deny your own needs, you are teaching him that it is acceptable to be inconsiderate of other's needs and become demanding. Children may not learn to consider others if you don't expect them to consider you.
It Devalues Their Self-Worth - One of the biggest issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothing is, etc. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities - their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy, and passion for life - rather than for their looks, possessions, and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to peer approval.
True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, and not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to peer approval for things such as a car, a house, or clothes. When we "spoil" our kids with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on peer approval for a sense of self-worth.
We can spoil our kids with material things, but we can't spoil them with love. Love is the energy of acceptance for who the child really is. Love is understanding, compassion, caring. You are loving your kids when you spend time hanging out with them, being fully present with them, teaching them, and really listening to them. Valuing your child for who he really is on the inside is what love is and nothing material can ever replace it.
Kat Hafen writes for many baby publications including HugaMonkey, which has baby slings, changing pads, baby carriers, and much more. Visit HugaMonkey to find the perfect item to help with your baby!